export/import

The consensus lately amongst folks who take time to zero in is this: I'm tired.


Those folks happen to be right. I'm tired emotionally, often tired physically, and my spirit suffers. I'm considering my options, and actively seeking correction for each offense.






Some backstory. I would consider myself to be a bit of a caretaking sort with people I get to know on a deep personal level, be it friendship or otherwise. I believe it's something I inherited from my late gran, and chose to keep around in my behaviour.


While we may not be able to help in ways that matter to modern society (read: material items we crave), we offer help in ways that people need but cannot or do not typically voice. A shoulder to lean on, a sympathetic but non-coddling ear, warm words, a hug. A genuine many-volted smile. These gestures are extensions of our very core, things that we do for the sake of furthering someone's well-being.






I may never know, but I do wonder if my gran grew weary of this sort of routine at certain intervals. To give, you must take out of yourself, being fully aware that you may never see those portions return. 


Investing in others is risky business, though that is not always obvious. Hindsight burns, and we begin to doubt. Our idea of 'wise choice' becomes skewed, compromised. We blame ourselves for bad situations.

July '11, Trout Lake, Vancouver, British Columbia

Reflection is vital. Survival is good temporarily, but in the long run we must find something better to sustain us. Living, giving and not losing too much of our identity, spirit, and ambition must endure.

dashed with salt

There's something to be said for 'aha!' moments. They don't come often, but they come swiftly. You recognize 'em instantly when they arrive.

I've had most of my 'aha!' moments in school, primarily during math or philosophy classes (or both, if you consider that stray Intro to Logic course). I usually get a creeping sensation up the back of my neck which eventually reaches my head and won't stop until the final point of impact.

Crack.

'Aha!' I've got it.

Why didn't I see that before?

When I'm not experiencing that from school, I'm getting it from people.



Someone I am getting to know gave me that creeping sensation, especially when she told me we had a person in common. A person in common, with a heavy (albeit brief) kind of history. I browsed a few photos online, and there it was. A thought sparked and scrambled out of one photo, and into my head. It branched as far as it dared.

Oh.

Ah.

Aha! It became a memory.



All I can say is that the world can be a very small place at times. Be as kind to the people around you as you can manage; you never know when they'll show up to teach you something later.

The lessons don't ever stop. The best ones don't cost any money at all.